I was in a Zoom meeting this afternoon (are there any other kinds these days?), and when asked how I was really doing, I found myself babbling for a minute and then suddenly spitting out, “Honestly? I’m scared.” When I heard myself saying that, I realized how many different ways I’d been trying to say it over the past few weeks. I have fairly severe asthma, severe enough that I ended up in the hospital with it many years ago, and with COVID-19 being a respiratory illness, I have every reason to be scared. But I think there are a million other reasons to be scared, too. The world is different, and it will likely never be the same after this, and who wouldn’t be scared?

I think it’s important for us to recognize this fear, acknowledge it for what it is, and support each other through it. But it can be hard to recognize it when we find so many other ways to say it.

I’m Frustrated

I’m starting with an easy one. Many people already equate frustration with fear. But it more often comes across as annoyance, irritation, and anger these days. I’m frustrated with having to do all of my meetings on camera. Or all the emails I’m getting are frustrating to me. I’m frustrated people are still gathering or intruding my 6-foot bubble. And even I’m frustrated I can’t eat at my favorite restaurants or spend time with my friends. And of course, there is quite a bit of anger that goes along with this frustration. But there’s also fear. Fear that we’re not getting the work done, fear that we will get sick, fear that we will lose our ability to connect with other humans.

It’s Not Fair

This is one I’ve heard from my 14-year-old son more than once during his experience with online schooling. It’s been exceptionally hard for his dad and me to empathize, as we’ve often been on the other side. Students have been proclaiming to us (both higher education administrators) that whatever thing we’re doing isn’t fair. And of course it isn’t. How could it be during a global pandemic? I also find myself saying “It is what it is” a lot – possibly the least helpful five-word combination in the English language.

But if I pause for more than a minute, what I actually hear is, “It’s not fair, and I’m scared.” I’m scared because I don’t know if I’m doing this right. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do what I’m supposed to. I am afraid I’m going to have to repeat a year, if this is going to screw up my academic record forever. I’m scared because this isn’t normal, and I’m starting to forget what normal is.

I’m Worried

On the face of it, this one seems fairly obvious. But I have to admit that I found myself saying it a lot recently, with no idea of what it really meant. I worry about working too much or not being there for my kid. I worry about my parents getting sick. But at the heart of that worry is not the stress or anxiety that comes with regular worrying, although there’s still plenty of that, too. Deep down, what I was really saying was that this all scares me. It may seem like a simple difference, but there is a different level of anxiety that accompanies fear vs. worry.

Look on the Bright Side

I’ve recently been seeing some posts explaining toxic positivity pop up in my feeds. And while I one hundred percent believe that toxic positivity is harmful, I want to point out that sometimes – especially now – it’s hiding another feeling. There is so much uncertainty right now, but as a society, we are terrible at acknowledging that. Instead, when we get to the uncertain part of things, we try to put a positive spin on it. Better that than admitting that uncertainty scares us and we don’t know, right? If you are someone who constantly craves the positive spin on something, I beg you to take a moment and ask yourself why that is. And if it’s because you’re scared, please recognize that that’s okay.

Don’t Be Afraid to Be Scared

As I mentioned previously, I’ve used many of these ways of hiding my fear myself. It felt incredibly freeing today, though,  to acknowledge that what I’ve really been feeling all along is I’m scared. So are many of us – even if we’re not all quite ready to admit it yet.

I think it can be incredibly important to take the time to acknowledge and truly feel your fear. Come join me in my fear and unrest for a few moments. I promise you don’t have to stay here forever, but it’s not a bad thing to just sit in the suck sometimes. You may have to come back and do it more than once. And that’s okay – you don’t need to fear being scared. But I do believe you’ll be better for naming it.